Troubles are not permanent – Scars are

Continuing the story of my journey…

Song of Virginity

Trouble was looming!

silly-face.pngMr. Temper arrived on the scene. Oh my oh my… I was 10 kinds of blind, stupid and deaf. People warned me against him… told me he was living with another woman.
I actually found that out pretty quick, but the sad part was that I seriously couldn’t care less. I had it so bad for this guy that it gives me chills to think about now! I was head over heels in love!

We met when he could – e.g. when he could get away from home, okay “her”… He couldn’t choose between us, so he kept us both. For a time. Eventually, she left him and he came crying to me…
The 10 kinds of stupid I mentioned before – This was one of them: He cried to ME about her leaving him. Whaaat? Seriously disturbed.
We ended up living together and I can’t…

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Love of my Life – I am His Song – Guest post by Gail

Miss Gail from Gail loves God was kind – and courageous – enough to share a part of her story and it’s an honor for Song of Virginity to have her onboard. Read and marvel as Gail chose to trust the words of her Savior, rather than words of man… And when you’re done reading here, jump over to her blog and indulge in her poetry, singing from the depths of her heart to her Jesus.

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Song of Virginity… that sounds so beautiful… in its purest and godliest form. It easily makes me wish I had a song of virginity. A song that says I have always belonged to the Lord and the Lord only. That nothing has ever come between me and my Lord.
Unfortunately, I was without a song of virginity from the age of 3. I was 12 before I heard the word, and in my late teens before I understood what it meant, though I was already an unwed teen mom.
Gailbaby.jpgYears of molestation and promiscuity had taken my right to make a choice. Yet there is no guarantee that if my life had been different, I would have made the right choice. And THAT is what Christ taught me virginity really meant to Him.

In 1994, I was baptized for the 2nd time (the 1st being when I was 8) because I thought my sins had washed away His blood, love, and forgiveness.
God would begin to whisper that His Son’s blood was shed to wash away my sins… of the past, present, and future. Christ did not need to die again. In that cleansing, He had made me white as snow.
To Him I was as clean as a virgin.
I would doubt this because man told me there was no use trying to make a testimony for God, because I had already been intimate, and especially since I already had a child.

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God clearly asked me, “Do you want to believe in what man tells you, or in what I tell you? If I say that I love you, that I forgive you, and have made you white as snow, do you want to believe me or the world?

Do you want to see yourself through the eyes of the world… trashed and tossed aside… worthless and hopeless?
Or do you want to see yourself through my eyes as the beautiful virgin that I have restored you to be for me… pure and Holy… righteous and blameless?

 “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chastevirgin to Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 11:2 KJV
I chose to believe in Christ. I was even empowered by a song sung by Jonathan Pierce called I Believe in Christ, and it sang,
“I believe in Christ. No other before Him. And though I may fail, I’ll never leave Him.
For me, He laid down His life. Oh I believe in Christ.”

Gailcar.jpgI have raised my son to remember to “keep God first, above everyone and everything, including me, including you.”

I have been blessed with singleness for several years now. By His grace and His great love I have been set aside… whether it be for a future husband or for Him… I am His song.

“The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.” – Zephaniah 3:17 KJV 

In 2012, when my son was marrying his bride the Lord gave me this song to write.
Jesus, The Love of My Life written by Gail Brookshire

I love Him so cause He loves me. /Says He always has, and that we were meant to be.
I’m already a part of His family. /I love Him because He first loved me.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, the Love of my life /wants to save me from my daily strife.
He wants to give me His peace for all eternity. /The Love of my life loves me.

A wedding invitation was sent to our friends. /They’ll join us when the engagement ends.
They’ll witness the union of a groom and His bride,/ and faithfully He’ll stay by my side.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, the Love of my life /wants to save me from my daily strife.
He wants to give me His peace for all eternity. /The Love of my life loves me.

He’s so open hearted, He’s opened His home /and invited my friends to a room of their own.
They’re already a part of our family, /and we’re living ever happily.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, the Love of my life /wants to save me from my daily strife.
He wants to give me His peace for all eternity. /The Love of my life loves me.

Jesus, Jesus, the Love of YOUR life /wants to save YOU from YOUR daily strife. He wants to give YOU His peace for all eternity. /The Love of YOUR life loves YOU.

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Photos are private and posted with permission from Sue Thompson of Set Photography, Leslie Ludy and Gail herself. Do not copy without permission. 

At the heart of Youth

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him
– just to find her.”

– Max Lucado

I love this quote! Because nothing could be more true – and yet, not much is further from the truth when asking  the youth of today.

According to an article on Christianitytoday.com, the top ten fears of the youth today has the #10 fear as “I will never have a happy marriage”… ???…
That’s not the Lord speaking, but the devil speaking into the hearts of our youth today.

Girls & Boys: You are valuable! You deserve love! You are worth dying for!

You don’t believe me?
Then look at the compassion in God’s eyes:
He hung on the cross – so you wouldn’t have to.

imagesYou are infinitely loved by a God Who will never abandon His own!

With God nothing is impossible. Marriage? With Jesus in the center – you are in safe hands. It won’t always be easy, it won’t always be what you want; But it will be worth it!

The big question is – do you have the courage to believe Him and take Him at His Word? 

 

Harmless fun? – Guest post by Daniel

It’s a privilege to introduce to you Song of Virginity’s next guest blogger, Daniel. Throughout the process of this guest post I have come to know Daniel a bit and his open and honest attempt to share his own shortcomings as well as his desire to protect the innocent, quite frankly overwhelms me. Daniel struggles with sexual sin and this is his urge to parents and young girls out there, to be careful when using the internet. You can support Daniel by prayers and encouragement on his blog Minus the Cynic.

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When I was a young kid my parents freaked out when they saw I was looking at pictures of scantily clad supermodels on the internet.
They installed technology to only show sites with certain content, but got rid of it when I was unable to access an innocent site, because of the software’s programmed response to block sites based on key words.
giphy.gifYou would have thought my parents shock, horror and disappointment would have prevented me from finding my way back to those supermodels, or the thought of grieving my God – But it wasn’t
When I was 12 the doctor noticed my penis was red and sore and asked if I had been involved in any sexual activity. I loudly and vehemently said no!
That was before I knew that masturbation qualifies as sexual activity…
I can’t explain what caused me to gravitate towards that kind of filth in the first place.
It used to be more of an effort to sin on the internet because I had to sneak downstairs to do it. Today, it’s easy. Too easy.
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A daily view on the streets of Tokyo

At first I was apalled and disgusted by infantilization.

Having a fully grown woman appear to be a little girl in the way she dressed, never appealed to me. But, seeing those images was an influence… I sunk low enough to see a little girl as a source of sexual excitement.
My downfall was gradual.
It happened over several re-negotiations inside my mind… What was I prepared to accept in my behavior?
It took a concerned mother threatening me with personal harm and police intervention to cause me to wake up to myself and see how I need Jesus in every moment! 
I praise the Lord for that mom!
Obviously it’s dangerous for little girls to give their numbers and addresses to anyone online, but what many do not seem to know or acknowledge is how showing a video of yourself swimming or in the bathtub might cause a guy to commit a sin against God and the law of his land. 
Before a parent allows their child to use the internet without their supervision, I would suggest they familiarize themselves with blocking technology, in order to avoid (prolonged) exposure to unwanted advances from an unsuitable contact for their age group.
I think the responsibility falls on parents to make sure their child is visiting age appropriate sites, especially as they run the risk of not only exposing themselves to danger but also their entire family and circle of friends.
Some parents falsely assume their children will only add people they know as friends in their social network and not perfect strangers.7b45eadd6516efc2671eef6ac3212764.jpg.gif
This is the key to avoid causing harm to yourself. 
If you are friends with someone outside the internet, generally you know you can trust them. But when you are not looking at the face of the person you are communicating with and you may not know them personally, it prevents you from doing that usual “double take” in your spirit and it stops your conscience from kicking in immediately, as the virtual nature of your interaction makes it appear to be one step removed from reality, as you use the same screen for playing games as you do for displaying your physical attributes.
Perhaps it is advisable for girls under eighteen to concentrate on posting pictures of anything other than themselves – as there are guys who go specifically looking for young girls in this age group to satisfy their perpetually unfulfilled sexual desires.
Even if a young girl feels flattered by the attention given to her, she may be unwittingly exposing herself to physical harm. Even the most well intentioned gentleman may still have friends and somehow be connected to those in low places.
Please watch out!  hqdefault.jpg

Go- No- or – No go!

james_dean.jpgLife in the fast lane… ehh…

My love life was pretty casual, but for the most part it never went beyond flirting. Honestly. It was the early 1990’s and I lived my life mainly during the weekends.
I loved the night life: Dancing and loud music, being out all night until 5 or 6 am, dancing on the loudspeakers, flirting my way around like a careless drifter… I never stopped and thought about what I was doing or the dangers involved. I truly lived in the “here and now – ala James Dean” moment. Looking back I seriously wonder how I managed to make it through the weeks in between!

The bar served My favorite drink coke & whisky! Deliciously sweet and sharp and definitely made me care a lot less about – well, just about anything.

passion_love_kiss_lips_8019_1920x1200.jpgOn a few occasions, I would take a flirtatious guy up on “his offer” and end up in a bed not my own. Most guys were kind… but if you choose to venture out there – in the “field of passion” – you need to know the risks.
–  Fixing myself a coke & whisky to share one night which still stands chiseled in my mind:

I had been dancing and drinking since arriving at the nightclub, e.g. at least a couple of hours. Mr. X and I were socializing in the same circles. We kind of knew each other though we hadn’t flirted before that night and I’m wondering if it really was flirting as – well, looking back, Mr. X was by no means a guy with a look I would normally fall for.

We got to his place and I admit that after that, I remember only bits and pieces… I remember his bedroom, the smell of soap, his eyes looking at me with some empty unexplainable look and his hand between my legs. Creepy…
I remember no kissing or foreplay. And then I remember the pain as he tried to penetrate several times and each time with a harder push – and then my mind goes totally blank.

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I woke up slightly disoriented. I can’t remember if Mr. X was in bed, but I got up and saw a whole lot of blood stains on the white bedsheets and a line of dried blood down both my thighs and blood on my hips and body. And it was not that time of the month!
I washed myself and got dressed and left.

I was 17 at the time and my actions was 10 kinds of stupid. A futile attempt to fill a void in my heart. A place where love should be thriving, but was utterly empty.

Saying yes the first time, makes it easier to say yes the second time and third time and after that, it becomes “normal”.

a-segment-on-scars-10-638.jpg But the bottom line is as usual; It was my choice.
I could have chosen not to go home with the guy.
It does not justify his actions, but young girls and guys;
God gave us rules to protect us, not to restrain us. 
The Lord taught me a valuable lesson that night – in retrospect of course as back then I had no Almighty Lord to pray to. Humans procreate no more different than animals; Instincts given to us at creation takes over the brain function if the passion is allowed to go on too long and there is no self-control.
If one says “go” but the other says “no” – One person will get hurt and the Living Lord gets hurt through it.

Nobody knows me like God does and even 10 kinds of stupid can be forgiven. My wounds beneath has been healed, but I’m left with the scars and memories of my actions. Mr. X is a face I would have chosen to erase from my memory bank if I could…

Just think twice!

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And with this I go before my Lord asking Him to take my message to those He wishes hears it, to guide those who need guidance, to heal those who need healing. Only by sharing the scars you have healed Lord, can I show someone that only you Lord Jesus can fill any void in a heart searching for love. I pray those You choose Lord, will allow you in. Amen.