Troubles are not permanent – Scars are

Continuing the story of my journey…

Song of Virginity

Trouble was looming!

silly-face.pngMr. Temper arrived on the scene. Oh my oh my… I was 10 kinds of blind, stupid and deaf. People warned me against him… told me he was living with another woman.
I actually found that out pretty quick, but the sad part was that I seriously couldn’t care less. I had it so bad for this guy that it gives me chills to think about now! I was head over heels in love!

We met when he could – e.g. when he could get away from home, okay “her”… He couldn’t choose between us, so he kept us both. For a time. Eventually, she left him and he came crying to me…
The 10 kinds of stupid I mentioned before – This was one of them: He cried to ME about her leaving him. Whaaat? Seriously disturbed.
We ended up living together and I can’t…

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Go- No- or – No go!

Continuing the story of my journey…

Song of Virginity

james_dean.jpgLife in the fast lane… ehh…

My love life was pretty casual, but for the most part it never went beyond flirting. Honestly. It was the early 1990’s and I lived my life mainly during the weekends.
I loved the night life: Dancing and loud music, being out all night until 5 or 6 am, dancing on the loudspeakers, flirting my way around like a careless drifter… I never stopped and thought about what I was doing or the dangers involved. I truly lived in the “here and now – ala James Dean” moment. Looking back I seriously wonder how I managed to make it through the weeks in between!

The bar served My favorite drink coke & whisky! Deliciously sweet and sharp and definitely made me care a lot less about – well, just about anything.

passion_love_kiss_lips_8019_1920x1200.jpgOn a few occasions, I would take a flirtatious guy up on “his offer” and end up in a…

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Respect has no grey zones

Continuing my story with this next blog post about date-rape.
As I share my “journey of the flesh”, I’m hoping that all the beautiful youngsters out there will think twice before… Before it might be too late.

Song of Virginity

greys1.jpg50 shades of grey? No’b – strike that!…

After my crucial “first yes” to loosing my virginity – and “yes” to have the knowledge of my own body’s reaction to intimacy – and the loss of innocence, it took some time before I entered “round 2”.

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This time I wanted a relationship and that happened in a really weird way;

I went on a school bus trip to the city of Prague. It was an all night drive to get there, but a week of studying the history of Prague and in case you haven’t been: It’s a gorgeous city! But it was a bus full of teens and for us the real trip was to party in a country where, at that time, everything was incredibly cheap.o-PRAGUE-900.jpg

We had emptied the hotel bar one night (for alcohol, not people) and the morning after, my hotel roommate found a note…

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Tingle Single

I said goodbye to Mr. Bike in the tube of London (see earlier post “Finally Free or…”) and headed home. I remember feeling both relieved and sad. Mainly relieved though… Mainly sad because I so love London!

A short time later something strange happened.

Funny-Memes-About-Being-Single-26While on one hand I was perfectly happy being single. Yeah… really!
On the other hand, I couldn’t resist the temptation the up-and-coming social media presented; Online Dating services!

I decided I wasn’t looking for anything serious. In retrospect, I probably were.
Before long I had a profile and not long after that I had notifications. 2 or 3 of the guys who contacted me, moved from the dating site to my email account. I actually had a lot of fun with it and 2 of them I met up with.

1 was a really nice guy. A bit too sweet actually…
maxresdefaultThe other one was r-e-a-l nice looking!  Mr. Rebound was attractive not only in looks but also in speech and we had a good time together. But outside of bed we had different expectations to each other. It lasted a couple of months. Essentially I was his rebound after a longer relationship he had been in – hence the name!

Why was it strange?
Well… After all the relationships I had been in. After all the heartache and even date rape’s (though without the drug), I was still attracted to jumping head first into new relationships.
Why I chose not to wait… for “Mr. Right”… is what I’m only now beginning to understand.

1. I wanted desperately to feel loved.
2. My body had a desire I couldn’t control.
3. Emotionally I had learned the coping skill of “shutting down feelings” (perhaps that would make for another blog post one day).
4. I’m an adventurer by nature.

If I had known the Purest Love from the beginning, then I wouldn’t have known my own fleshly desires to such depth. I wouldn’t crave to feel loved and not know where to fill up my tank. And last; I could have looked for a man I could adventure with.

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My one regret in life is that I didn’t say YES to Jesus much earlier. But He is using it – using me and my experiences – to reach you and for that I’m grateful. I pray you hear me out there…

 

After Mr. Rebound though, I actually managed to stay single for a long long time… Perhaps not by choice, but more stubbornness. I was really tired of “guys” and it was a good thing. A healthy thing for me and I thank Jesus for giving me that time.

Love of my Life – I am His Song – Guest post by Gail

Miss Gail from Gail loves God was kind – and courageous – enough to share a part of her story and it’s an honor for Song of Virginity to have her onboard. Read and marvel as Gail chose to trust the words of her Savior, rather than words of man… And when you’re done reading here, jump over to her blog and indulge in her poetry, singing from the depths of her heart to her Jesus.

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Song of Virginity… that sounds so beautiful… in its purest and godliest form. It easily makes me wish I had a song of virginity. A song that says I have always belonged to the Lord and the Lord only. That nothing has ever come between me and my Lord.
Unfortunately, I was without a song of virginity from the age of 3. I was 12 before I heard the word, and in my late teens before I understood what it meant, though I was already an unwed teen mom.
Gailbaby.jpgYears of molestation and promiscuity had taken my right to make a choice. Yet there is no guarantee that if my life had been different, I would have made the right choice. And THAT is what Christ taught me virginity really meant to Him.

In 1994, I was baptized for the 2nd time (the 1st being when I was 8) because I thought my sins had washed away His blood, love, and forgiveness.
God would begin to whisper that His Son’s blood was shed to wash away my sins… of the past, present, and future. Christ did not need to die again. In that cleansing, He had made me white as snow.
To Him I was as clean as a virgin.
I would doubt this because man told me there was no use trying to make a testimony for God, because I had already been intimate, and especially since I already had a child.

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God clearly asked me, “Do you want to believe in what man tells you, or in what I tell you? If I say that I love you, that I forgive you, and have made you white as snow, do you want to believe me or the world?

Do you want to see yourself through the eyes of the world… trashed and tossed aside… worthless and hopeless?
Or do you want to see yourself through my eyes as the beautiful virgin that I have restored you to be for me… pure and Holy… righteous and blameless?

 “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chastevirgin to Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 11:2 KJV
I chose to believe in Christ. I was even empowered by a song sung by Jonathan Pierce called I Believe in Christ, and it sang,
“I believe in Christ. No other before Him. And though I may fail, I’ll never leave Him.
For me, He laid down His life. Oh I believe in Christ.”

Gailcar.jpgI have raised my son to remember to “keep God first, above everyone and everything, including me, including you.”

I have been blessed with singleness for several years now. By His grace and His great love I have been set aside… whether it be for a future husband or for Him… I am His song.

“The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.” – Zephaniah 3:17 KJV 

In 2012, when my son was marrying his bride the Lord gave me this song to write.
Jesus, The Love of My Life written by Gail Brookshire

I love Him so cause He loves me. /Says He always has, and that we were meant to be.
I’m already a part of His family. /I love Him because He first loved me.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, the Love of my life /wants to save me from my daily strife.
He wants to give me His peace for all eternity. /The Love of my life loves me.

A wedding invitation was sent to our friends. /They’ll join us when the engagement ends.
They’ll witness the union of a groom and His bride,/ and faithfully He’ll stay by my side.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, the Love of my life /wants to save me from my daily strife.
He wants to give me His peace for all eternity. /The Love of my life loves me.

He’s so open hearted, He’s opened His home /and invited my friends to a room of their own.
They’re already a part of our family, /and we’re living ever happily.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, the Love of my life /wants to save me from my daily strife.
He wants to give me His peace for all eternity. /The Love of my life loves me.

Jesus, Jesus, the Love of YOUR life /wants to save YOU from YOUR daily strife. He wants to give YOU His peace for all eternity. /The Love of YOUR life loves YOU.

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Photos are private and posted with permission from Sue Thompson of Set Photography, Leslie Ludy and Gail herself. Do not copy without permission. 

Eternal love – guest post by Vince

Vince from You, me and this world stopped by Song of Virginity to jot down a few words about a love given and received.

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Life without love is really unbearable. I have been blessed to travel on every continent and to many countries, and one thing I’ve seen no matter what language, color or creed, everyone or at least almost everyone, wants to love and be loved.
Therefore this is God.
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While living as a single in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, I met Suva.

She was a wonderful young woman that I fell totally in love with. We spent most of our days glowing in the gift of love we found in each other and in God, and we found that this love was so bright that others saw it too. We were together for 8 months. anima001.jpgWhen we went to file for a marriage license, I was asked to show my immigration papers and for a financial status. Since I was a missionary my papers were in order but I had very little money. I was given three days to leave the country.

My heart was breaking, Suva tried to get a visa and she too didn’t have enough money to get the papers she needed. I went to Bolivia and we wrote for five months. We never got back together. I thought that I would die.

Now many many years later I have a wonderful wife and wonderful life.ab6f90e664b94c80c68761e9ee8e9fe2.jpg


The love for Suva will always be in my heart as love never fails or leaves us. It’s eternal.

 

Teacher love – guest post by anonymous

He touched her chin and lifted it towards his face while he gently leaned over and kissed her… And then she woke up from her daydream and realized that she was staring stupidly into the whiteboard during class,with romantic dreamy eyes. She looked rather franticly around her classmates, hoping nobody had seen her daydream.It would seem they hadn’t. Phew!

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She was taking a supporting class to complete her degree.
The class was taught by the handsome, well spoken, nicely dressed, cool but kind and tempting beyond her loudest sigh, teacher!
A month or two of dreaming about him led to her asking questions about the material. Questions she possibly didn’t need to ask.
She tried to get closer and he didn’t exactly shut her out. He didn’t invite her in either.It was beginning to feel like she had befriended him and yet he kept her at a distance.

She obviously had a gigantic crush… on her teacher! He was so irresistible. She was panting for the “one and only” she watched in the movies, tv and even read about in romantic novels. But all her past boyfriends had miserably failed.
Her longing was strong and as she watched her teacher, being of the same age as her, she imagined his character in a home, his gentleness with kids, his pride in her as his girlfriend. Oh, to be loved by him! 5362819996e3337e10c0d1f0cef82786.jpg

Yet, she sorely wished she didn’t have the crush! Because he clearly wasn’t interested. Either because he wasn’t interested in her or because she was his student.

One evening after a rather uncomfortable bump-in with an ex-boyfriend, she took a walk to clear her head. It was winter, cold and dark. She saw her warm breath every time she exhaled. She found herself outside his home. Despite just wandering around she knew exactly where he lived and most likely it wasn’t a coincidence she was there. She could see light in his windows. She just stood still staring at his window, hoping she would catch a glimpse of him… hoping he would see her – see her pain – see her love and rush out to take her in and into his arms
But unlike her fantasy, that didn’t happen.
He saw her staring and though she didn’t know if he knew it was her or not, he closed the curtain and shut her out.
woman-love-sick-vert_vg5jlz.jpgShe walked home hearing only the lingering voice in her head “now you’ve done it! Now you’re a stalker!”. She was ashamed, but not enough. She began to take up evening walks as a hobby and ever so coincidentally walk past his home.

The academic year came to an end and unfortunately she ended up failing the class. Not because she didn’t know the stuff, but because she felt so ashamed to have been a stalker of her teacher. During the final test she simply couldn’t concentrate. Afterwards, she was so ashamed of her actions that she decided to avoid any contact with the teacher, no more evening walks past his home and she chose a different school and supporting class and a year later completed her degree.

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The above is a true story, written by someone who wish to remain anonymous. Here on Song of Virginity, that is okay too. 

We often apply characteristics of “perfection” to those we fall in love with as we try to fill the void in our hearts with someone who can never fully fill it or in this story, fill it with emptiness: To love but not be loved again.

12825999_257258291272474_986563694_nWhen we choose to love Jesus something happens in our hearts.

We can ask Him anything! He can fill the void with love and in trust He will guide us to the one who is right for us.

And… He loves it when you stalk Him!

 

3 day Quote challenge – day 3

Thank you Cultural Atheist for nominating me for this quote challenge. This is the last day of my 3 day challenge.

I do love a good quote… I hope my nominees will too. There are so many wonderful quotes out there and for this last day I have chosen to go a little deeper into the “love” scene. Number 3 on today’s list is a personal favorite of mine and one I – admittedly – use often!

Rules to be followed:

  • 3 quotes each day (in my case, not necessarily consecutive days)
  • Up to 3 nominees to be nominated (no repetition!)
  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Inform the nominees

My quotes for today are:

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”
– Edward Everett Hale

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”
– Max Lucado

“Bathroom stalls make great prayer closets.”
– Lysa TerKeurst

I nominate the following people (check out their blogs – they’re amazing!):

Secret Angel

Shirley Anne

Michelle Malone

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3 day quote challenge – day 2

Thank you Cultural Atheist for nominating me for this quote challenge. This is day 2 of a 3 day challenge.

I do love a good quote… so I gladly accept this challenge! I hope my nominees will too. Since this blog is all about the “Song of Virginity”, I’ll go for all the love quotes I can get my hands on…

Rules to be followed:

  • 3 quotes each day (in my case, not necessarily consecutive days)
  • Up to 3 nominees to be nominated (no repetition!)
  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Inform the nominees

My quotes for today are:

“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own”
– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another”.
– Jesus Christ

“We live in a world where loosing your phone is more dramatic than loosing your virginity”
– Megan Fox

I nominate the following people (check out their blogs – they’re amazing!):

Virtual Vitamins

Martha L Shaw

Who is God?

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3 day quote challenge – day 1

Thank you Cultural Atheist for nominating me for this quote challenge. This is day 1 of a 3 day challenge.

I do love a good quote… so I gladly accept this challenge! I hope my nominees will too. Since this blog is all about the “Song of Virginity”, I’ll go for all the love quotes I can get my hands on…

Rules to be followed:

  • 3 quotes each day (in my case, not necessarily consecutive days)
  • Up to 3 nominees to be nominated (no repetition!)
  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Inform the nominees

My quotes for today are:

“Do not confuse the command to love, with the decease to please”
– Lysa TerKeurst

“Piglet: How do you spell “love”? –  Pooh bear: You don’t spell it… you feel it!”

“The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead”
– Marilyn Monroe (though I’m not a big fan of hers, this quote makes a lot of sense…)

I nominate the following people (check out their blogs – they’re amazing!):

In the Desert with Jesus

Minus the cynic

Kristi Ann

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