3 day Quote challenge – day 3

Thank you Cultural Atheist for nominating me for this quote challenge. This is the last day of my 3 day challenge.

I do love a good quote… I hope my nominees will too. There are so many wonderful quotes out there and for this last day I have chosen to go a little deeper into the “love” scene. Number 3 on today’s list is a personal favorite of mine and one I – admittedly – use often!

Rules to be followed:

  • 3 quotes each day (in my case, not necessarily consecutive days)
  • Up to 3 nominees to be nominated (no repetition!)
  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Inform the nominees

My quotes for today are:

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”
– Edward Everett Hale

“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”
– Max Lucado

“Bathroom stalls make great prayer closets.”
– Lysa TerKeurst

I nominate the following people (check out their blogs – they’re amazing!):

Secret Angel

Shirley Anne

Michelle Malone

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3 day quote challenge – day 2

Thank you Cultural Atheist for nominating me for this quote challenge. This is day 2 of a 3 day challenge.

I do love a good quote… so I gladly accept this challenge! I hope my nominees will too. Since this blog is all about the “Song of Virginity”, I’ll go for all the love quotes I can get my hands on…

Rules to be followed:

  • 3 quotes each day (in my case, not necessarily consecutive days)
  • Up to 3 nominees to be nominated (no repetition!)
  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Inform the nominees

My quotes for today are:

“Love is when the other person’s happiness is more important than your own”
– H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another”.
– Jesus Christ

“We live in a world where loosing your phone is more dramatic than loosing your virginity”
– Megan Fox

I nominate the following people (check out their blogs – they’re amazing!):

Virtual Vitamins

Martha L Shaw

Who is God?

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3 day quote challenge – day 1

Thank you Cultural Atheist for nominating me for this quote challenge. This is day 1 of a 3 day challenge.

I do love a good quote… so I gladly accept this challenge! I hope my nominees will too. Since this blog is all about the “Song of Virginity”, I’ll go for all the love quotes I can get my hands on…

Rules to be followed:

  • 3 quotes each day (in my case, not necessarily consecutive days)
  • Up to 3 nominees to be nominated (no repetition!)
  • Thank the person who nominated you
  • Inform the nominees

My quotes for today are:

“Do not confuse the command to love, with the decease to please”
– Lysa TerKeurst

“Piglet: How do you spell “love”? –  Pooh bear: You don’t spell it… you feel it!”

“The real lover is the man who can thrill you by kissing your forehead”
– Marilyn Monroe (though I’m not a big fan of hers, this quote makes a lot of sense…)

I nominate the following people (check out their blogs – they’re amazing!):

In the Desert with Jesus

Minus the cynic

Kristi Ann

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Harmless fun? – Guest post by Daniel

It’s a privilege to introduce to you Song of Virginity’s next guest blogger, Daniel. Throughout the process of this guest post I have come to know Daniel a bit and his open and honest attempt to share his own shortcomings as well as his desire to protect the innocent, quite frankly overwhelms me. Daniel struggles with sexual sin and this is his urge to parents and young girls out there, to be careful when using the internet. You can support Daniel by prayers and encouragement on his blog Minus the Cynic.

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When I was a young kid my parents freaked out when they saw I was looking at pictures of scantily clad supermodels on the internet.
They installed technology to only show sites with certain content, but got rid of it when I was unable to access an innocent site, because of the software’s programmed response to block sites based on key words.
giphy.gifYou would have thought my parents shock, horror and disappointment would have prevented me from finding my way back to those supermodels, or the thought of grieving my God – But it wasn’t
When I was 12 the doctor noticed my penis was red and sore and asked if I had been involved in any sexual activity. I loudly and vehemently said no!
That was before I knew that masturbation qualifies as sexual activity…
I can’t explain what caused me to gravitate towards that kind of filth in the first place.
It used to be more of an effort to sin on the internet because I had to sneak downstairs to do it. Today, it’s easy. Too easy.
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A daily view on the streets of Tokyo

At first I was apalled and disgusted by infantilization.

Having a fully grown woman appear to be a little girl in the way she dressed, never appealed to me. But, seeing those images was an influence… I sunk low enough to see a little girl as a source of sexual excitement.
My downfall was gradual.
It happened over several re-negotiations inside my mind… What was I prepared to accept in my behavior?
It took a concerned mother threatening me with personal harm and police intervention to cause me to wake up to myself and see how I need Jesus in every moment! 
I praise the Lord for that mom!
Obviously it’s dangerous for little girls to give their numbers and addresses to anyone online, but what many do not seem to know or acknowledge is how showing a video of yourself swimming or in the bathtub might cause a guy to commit a sin against God and the law of his land. 
Before a parent allows their child to use the internet without their supervision, I would suggest they familiarize themselves with blocking technology, in order to avoid (prolonged) exposure to unwanted advances from an unsuitable contact for their age group.
I think the responsibility falls on parents to make sure their child is visiting age appropriate sites, especially as they run the risk of not only exposing themselves to danger but also their entire family and circle of friends.
Some parents falsely assume their children will only add people they know as friends in their social network and not perfect strangers.7b45eadd6516efc2671eef6ac3212764.jpg.gif
This is the key to avoid causing harm to yourself. 
If you are friends with someone outside the internet, generally you know you can trust them. But when you are not looking at the face of the person you are communicating with and you may not know them personally, it prevents you from doing that usual “double take” in your spirit and it stops your conscience from kicking in immediately, as the virtual nature of your interaction makes it appear to be one step removed from reality, as you use the same screen for playing games as you do for displaying your physical attributes.
Perhaps it is advisable for girls under eighteen to concentrate on posting pictures of anything other than themselves – as there are guys who go specifically looking for young girls in this age group to satisfy their perpetually unfulfilled sexual desires.
Even if a young girl feels flattered by the attention given to her, she may be unwittingly exposing herself to physical harm. Even the most well intentioned gentleman may still have friends and somehow be connected to those in low places.
Please watch out!  hqdefault.jpg

Fist for fight

Between a black eye – and verbal abuse? I’d take the fist… (though I’d much prefer neither!).

People see and respond to a black eye. They know something went down. Through the years I learned that abuse have more faces than a Broadway theater production. And I’m not even an expert on the subject… Thankfully

I tried hard to figure out why I got myself involved with Mr. Pride, but I did – Boy, I should have seen that coming!

265c5f5ada98930e547c438d9b20a8b6.jpgAfter deliberately concealing Mr. Tough guy from my parents (see previous post: What if), I carried around a load of guilt.
Guilt made me look for a guy whom my parents would like to see me with. That’s a “parent trap” if one was ever made! A good decent guy? Well, I found one… but “peel an onion and you begin to cry”!

There was no real spark between us. No physical attraction. But we would look good on family photos and it was a really good frosting on the guilt cake. My parents were thrilled; A decent guy with a good education… oh yeah – they saw grandkids already.

But, between Mr. Tough guy and Mr. Pride I found a “perfect” anti-climax!

giphy-1.gifWe went on a couple of dates. He came over for dinner, I visited him in his rental place. He lived remote from his workplace and 3 months after our first date, he was already talking about moving in to my apartment. I lived 5 min from his work… his argument? We could save a lot of money.

Yeah, that’s not really what you want to hear if a guy wants to move in with you… huh!

I stalled for as long as I could. But 6 months into the relationship, he brought it up with my dad and I couldn’t stall anymore… argh!Bad-Sex.jpg

At the same time, between the sheets things were no good and it was impossible to talk about. The reality probably was that Mr. Pride really couldn’t compete with my previous experiences.

 

While moving in, he arrogantly laid down the rule; His expensive design stayed – The rest had to go! I actually really liked my furniture…
But my parents were thrilled and I wanted to please them. So I agreed (not) – while drowning and compromising myself.

Arrogant-man.jpgI tried – I really did. But he got increasingly arrogant, critical, argumentative and it drove me nuts. Everything had to be his way and his style. If I was of a different opinion or taste, then I was wrong and he would both publicly, privately and within the family correct me and argue against me. He became angry if something disturbed his “picture perfect” family image.

My choice of tablecloth was changed into “the correct designer brand”. I of course participated in selecting the patterns and colors, because otherwise it would look like he was “in charge”… ?!? – but it had to be his choice of brand. After a year of this tension, I was broken and lost my voice. I became a doll-like person too scared to speak.

While my parents were waiting for a declaration of engagement, I was working up the nerve to tell him to move out. When I told my parents the break up news – to my shock – they supported Mr. Pride and despite my explanations of what had gone on, they couldn’t believe I wanted out.
I said “But I want to be happy” and my dad responded “happy loneliness”.
I told my mom “but I don’t love him” and she said “why don’t you just take him – he does everything for you!”.

111215031115-woman-black-eye-abuse-story-top.jpgSometimes, a fist in the face that leaves a visible bruise, is far easier to explain than low-key verbal abuse. Had I had a bruise, my dad and brother would have kicked Mr. Pride’s *beeep*… but all I had was an outwardly “perfect relationship” which I, as the “bad guy” wanted to end. – And all this, because I wanted to please my parents so I guilt-300x299.jpgcould cover up the guilty feeling inside.

Guilt! It’s a bad friend to walk with!

I have surrendered to the Spirit of Jesus and I no longer feel that guilt. I laid it at the cross. It doesn’t make things right, but my heart was made whole again. I can’t change my past. But maybe I can help you decide your future.

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Something to think about – guest post by Heather Davis

I’m so very proud and happy to welcome to the Song of Virginity blog the first female guest blogger; Heather Davis from Running the race. Personally I couldn’t resist her “about” words, so I’ll let those speak for themselves:

Disciple of Christ, adorer of God, often wayward or distracted student of the Holy Spirit, dedicated wife, homeschool mom of three, and sometime freelance writer and photographer, inquisitive nature lover, hiker, dog owner, and word nerd all bundled into about 5″1′ of physical space

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dc-Cover-m14v01gc2qsoajolanbjej8ol4-20160211155224.Medi.jpegMy wedding was one of the most thrilling days of my life, but it was nothing compared to the wedding night. All through the ceremony, my new husband and I had eyes only for each other as we looked forward to the night ahead. Both of us were intoxicated with the anticipation of coming together as man and wife and exploring the as-yet unknown territory of physical love. That night, we would consummate our commitment to one another, and for the rest of our lives we would have one another’s bodies to explore and enjoy without shame or fear of disease. Cuba Photos 008.jpg
On our wedding night, I gave my husband a gift that was precious and priceless because it could be only given once; I gave him my virginity. All the months of self-control, of delayed gratification and increasing sexual attraction were finally unleashed in a physical expression of our love. We were now united in a concrete way, giving us a beautiful glimpse of what God meant when He said a man and his wife shall become one flesh.

At least, that’s how I wish my story went.

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Instead, I did not treasure virginity as a young woman, and so at the age of 19 I gave it away for a poorly sung song. Pathetically, that ‘song’ was nothing more thrilling than insincere flattery from an older, somewhat disturbed man – and not even a particularly attractive one.

I wish I could say I gave it up for love.
I even wish I could say it was for lust, but the truth is nothing so noble as either of these. I discarded my virginity away out of shame.

In my teens, I struggled with body image issues. Despite a 24-inch waistline and other evidence to the contrary, I was convinced that I was fat, unattractive, and entirely undesirable. Somehow, in some twisted way, I thought having sex would bolster my confidence, perhaps make me feel more sophisticated or some such thing.
However, because I naively believed the hook-up culture lie that sex was an act as casual and easily forgotten as a handshake, I was wholly unprepared for the emotional onslaught that followed.
And you could say that emotional onslaughts were not exactly my forte at the time. 21647039.jpg

Worst of all, once the deed was done, instead of feeling the security of being wanted and loved that I craved, I only felt more shame. This cycle continued for years: shame fueling poor choices which increased my shame… and so on, and so on. Sometimes there were brief interludes of fun, but mostly it was horrid. The aftermath was always horrid.

Fortunately for me, there is a God who saw me, who saw past my terrible choices to my broken heart. He knew the reason for my recklessness, knew the poor self-image I carried and the weight of guilt that dragged me further into the muck with each step.

In His compassion, He allowed me to reap the consequences of my careless sexual behavior – consequences that culminated in pregnancy. That got my attention.
Now that I was finally listening, He revealed the Savior who carried my shame to the cross and there paid the price of my sin with His own life, lending me His garment of righteousness to cover my shame.
gods-hands.jpgBlessed be His name, He forgave me and set me free from the destructive cycle of guilt. And what’s more, by His grace, the father of the child did not flee (as so many do) but became my husband and has loved and supported our family ever since.

However, although now forgiven and free, I still have deep regret that I was unable to come to my marriage bed in purity. For my husband and me, our wedding night was just a night like so many others; there was nothing sacred or special or even particularly noteworthy about it. Something that could have been beautiful and memorable was merely commonplace.

Wishing it were not so changes nothing, but perhaps telling you my story will.de699bb7c71821400dad451ca49ad012.jpg

Perhaps this tale will give you something to think about, particularly in those moments where temptation or even shame erode your resolve. Hang in there!
And if you have already caved in and hanging in there is not an option, there’s still hope in Christ. He makes all things new, even our soiled and broken hearts.

 

 

The Ghost Pepper effect – guest post by Dan

I’m honored to have Dan writing a guest post here on Song of Virginity. Dan is a pastor, author and a speaker. An easy going guy which you can tell if you go visit his blog Learning to be Full of Grace and Truth – He is also a dad and a husband!

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bowl_of_ice_cream-2232.jpgMy oldest daughter Maggie likes this YouTube show called Good Mythical Morning. The show stars two friends, Rhett and Link, who does crazy fun things. One of the stunts they pulled was taking what is called “the ghost pepper challenge.” The video showed both of them eating and swallowing a ghost pepper, and then seeing who could go the longest before reaching for some milk or ice cream for relief.

unnamed.pngThis bit of bravery buried itself like an evil seed in Maggie’s psyche, and grew into a desire to do her own YouTube video of a ghost pepper challenge. She talked her youngest sister Rachel and her friend Liam into doing it with her. So great was her desire to go through with this, that she spent her own money on 3 ghost peppers, 3 half gallons of milk, and a gallon of ice cream and some sherbet. Perhaps the best thing was her desire to try and stand out by wearing a blue full-body suit while she did it. She made me film the event:

Maggie’s ghost pepper challenge

To Maggie’s credit, she was the only one of the three who actually ate and swallowed the pepper. And she kept it down!

But it was not long before Maggie realized that what looked so fun and entertaining on TV was much more difficult in real life. It was about thirty minutes of burping, burning, crying, jumping, sweating, and exclamations of “fire!” amidst eating frantic handfuls of ice cream. When it was all over, she had a new respect for Rhett and Link, and vowed never to do it again.

What does this have to do with sex and virginity? Nothing really.kg-black-white-Love-sexy-couples-1.jpg But it makes the great point;

What we see on TV and in the movies is not the whole story.
Hollywood makes casual sex look enticing, desirable, and (most importantly) doable without any real unforeseen consequences or relational fallout.
4-6942.jpgBut, just as Maggie found out that actually taking the ghost pepper challenge cost her a lot more pain than she had expected, casual sex outside of marriage brings its own brand of “ghost pepper effects” that are left out of the theatrical presentations of it.
And just as Maggie was still feeling it this morning, the effect of sleeping with someone don’t just fade away — it lingers.
In fact, it can haunt you like a ghost; even if it is with the person you end up marrying. I know, I am speaking from my own experience.

The “ghost pepper effects” of extramarital sex are not because sex is bad, but because God designed it to take place in the marriage relationship.

If there is anything I have been learning about sex, it is that sex is not a good thing; It is a great thing!
After all, it was God’s idea, and He doesn’t do lame ideas! I can tell you from experience (and I have 25 years of experience with my wife) that it is freakishly awesome!

… If you are tasting those hot “ghost pepper effects” and feeling guilt or shame from going there, all that heat can be wiped out by God’s grace.
jesus-and-sinner.jpgThere is no mistake, sin, or choice that can stand up to the omnipotent force of Jesus’ grace. If you are a Christian, confess your sin to Jesus, He forgave you long ago for it. Let that grace wash into your heart and cool and soothe your soul.
If you are not a Christian, go to Jesus and ask for His help. You will find that He is ready and willing to do so. He will always answer “Yes” to that prayer.