Go- No- or – No go!

Continuing the story of my journey…

Song of Virginity

james_dean.jpgLife in the fast lane… ehh…

My love life was pretty casual, but for the most part it never went beyond flirting. Honestly. It was the early 1990’s and I lived my life mainly during the weekends.
I loved the night life: Dancing and loud music, being out all night until 5 or 6 am, dancing on the loudspeakers, flirting my way around like a careless drifter… I never stopped and thought about what I was doing or the dangers involved. I truly lived in the “here and now – ala James Dean” moment. Looking back I seriously wonder how I managed to make it through the weeks in between!

The bar served My favorite drink coke & whisky! Deliciously sweet and sharp and definitely made me care a lot less about – well, just about anything.

passion_love_kiss_lips_8019_1920x1200.jpgOn a few occasions, I would take a flirtatious guy up on “his offer” and end up in a…

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Respect has no grey zones

Continuing my story with this next blog post about date-rape.
As I share my “journey of the flesh”, I’m hoping that all the beautiful youngsters out there will think twice before… Before it might be too late.

Song of Virginity

greys1.jpg50 shades of grey? No’b – strike that!…

After my crucial “first yes” to loosing my virginity – and “yes” to have the knowledge of my own body’s reaction to intimacy – and the loss of innocence, it took some time before I entered “round 2”.

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This time I wanted a relationship and that happened in a really weird way;

I went on a school bus trip to the city of Prague. It was an all night drive to get there, but a week of studying the history of Prague and in case you haven’t been: It’s a gorgeous city! But it was a bus full of teens and for us the real trip was to party in a country where, at that time, everything was incredibly cheap.o-PRAGUE-900.jpg

We had emptied the hotel bar one night (for alcohol, not people) and the morning after, my hotel roommate found a note…

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Somewhere around 16

In “Somewhere Around 16” I look back upon the loss of my virginity, the how and when – and why. It’s the first post in my storyline “Journey of the Flesh”. May it reach everyone the Lord intends it to.

Song of Virginity

As naive as I was at age 16, tumblr_ktfjxl20iW1qa3yd4o1_500.jpgI was fully aware of my own body and – guys? They were… well… interesting. At 16 I was a little “behind” my friends who had already gone straight for the prize of loosing their virginity. It was popular at the time to “know what you were doing” and yet Madonna was still singing “like a virgin” (despite at the time it being 5 years old). The mind of a teen girl is plenty messed up without adding boys and music into the mix, but that’s the reality of the world. It was 1989.

I honestly do not know what I expected when my virginity were at the brink of gone. Before, during nor after.

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But I can say for sure that “food-sex” never crossed my mind!
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I had been partying at the harbour festival and met this mr. nice guy. Yes…

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The Why

Once upon a year or 2 ago I began this blog “Song of Virginity”.
Since my own story of my journey with “guys, flesh and stuff” has come to an end, I decided to reblog the posts… There are still many young people out there whom my words can hopefully reach…

Song of Virginity

the-Lord-Jesus-brought.jpgMy Lord Jesus placed a project on my heart.
A project about innocence or more poetically put: Virginity.

I’m not entirely sure why He asked me to begin this journey, but He has His reasons (sorry, but I just love this particular image of Jesus from the movie “Son of God”…)

After doing some research on the subject, mainly to find out where the Lord was taking me with this, I sensed a nudge to begin a new blog and when I read a certain post written by “Beauty beyond bones”, who is a great blogger and one who’s posts I thoroughly enjoy reading, I knew for sure what I had to do.maxresdefault-1.jpg
The blog post she wrote is named V-card and describes the “trouble” of being a virgin today…

So I have branched out and began this blog – a side blog to my main one – Wrestling with faith…

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Tingle Single

I said goodbye to Mr. Bike in the tube of London (see earlier post “Finally Free or…”) and headed home. I remember feeling both relieved and sad. Mainly relieved though… Mainly sad because I so love London!

A short time later something strange happened.

Funny-Memes-About-Being-Single-26While on one hand I was perfectly happy being single. Yeah… really!
On the other hand, I couldn’t resist the temptation the up-and-coming social media presented; Online Dating services!

I decided I wasn’t looking for anything serious. In retrospect, I probably were.
Before long I had a profile and not long after that I had notifications. 2 or 3 of the guys who contacted me, moved from the dating site to my email account. I actually had a lot of fun with it and 2 of them I met up with.

1 was a really nice guy. A bit too sweet actually…
maxresdefaultThe other one was r-e-a-l nice looking!  Mr. Rebound was attractive not only in looks but also in speech and we had a good time together. But outside of bed we had different expectations to each other. It lasted a couple of months. Essentially I was his rebound after a longer relationship he had been in – hence the name!

Why was it strange?
Well… After all the relationships I had been in. After all the heartache and even date rape’s (though without the drug), I was still attracted to jumping head first into new relationships.
Why I chose not to wait… for “Mr. Right”… is what I’m only now beginning to understand.

1. I wanted desperately to feel loved.
2. My body had a desire I couldn’t control.
3. Emotionally I had learned the coping skill of “shutting down feelings” (perhaps that would make for another blog post one day).
4. I’m an adventurer by nature.

If I had known the Purest Love from the beginning, then I wouldn’t have known my own fleshly desires to such depth. I wouldn’t crave to feel loved and not know where to fill up my tank. And last; I could have looked for a man I could adventure with.

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My one regret in life is that I didn’t say YES to Jesus much earlier. But He is using it – using me and my experiences – to reach you and for that I’m grateful. I pray you hear me out there…

 

After Mr. Rebound though, I actually managed to stay single for a long long time… Perhaps not by choice, but more stubbornness. I was really tired of “guys” and it was a good thing. A healthy thing for me and I thank Jesus for giving me that time.

Love of my Life – I am His Song – Guest post by Gail

Miss Gail from Gail loves God was kind – and courageous – enough to share a part of her story and it’s an honor for Song of Virginity to have her onboard. Read and marvel as Gail chose to trust the words of her Savior, rather than words of man… And when you’re done reading here, jump over to her blog and indulge in her poetry, singing from the depths of her heart to her Jesus.

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Song of Virginity… that sounds so beautiful… in its purest and godliest form. It easily makes me wish I had a song of virginity. A song that says I have always belonged to the Lord and the Lord only. That nothing has ever come between me and my Lord.
Unfortunately, I was without a song of virginity from the age of 3. I was 12 before I heard the word, and in my late teens before I understood what it meant, though I was already an unwed teen mom.
Gailbaby.jpgYears of molestation and promiscuity had taken my right to make a choice. Yet there is no guarantee that if my life had been different, I would have made the right choice. And THAT is what Christ taught me virginity really meant to Him.

In 1994, I was baptized for the 2nd time (the 1st being when I was 8) because I thought my sins had washed away His blood, love, and forgiveness.
God would begin to whisper that His Son’s blood was shed to wash away my sins… of the past, present, and future. Christ did not need to die again. In that cleansing, He had made me white as snow.
To Him I was as clean as a virgin.
I would doubt this because man told me there was no use trying to make a testimony for God, because I had already been intimate, and especially since I already had a child.

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God clearly asked me, “Do you want to believe in what man tells you, or in what I tell you? If I say that I love you, that I forgive you, and have made you white as snow, do you want to believe me or the world?

Do you want to see yourself through the eyes of the world… trashed and tossed aside… worthless and hopeless?
Or do you want to see yourself through my eyes as the beautiful virgin that I have restored you to be for me… pure and Holy… righteous and blameless?

 “For I am jealous over you with godly jealousy: for I have espoused you to one husband, that I may present you as a chastevirgin to Christ.” – 2 Corinthians 11:2 KJV
I chose to believe in Christ. I was even empowered by a song sung by Jonathan Pierce called I Believe in Christ, and it sang,
“I believe in Christ. No other before Him. And though I may fail, I’ll never leave Him.
For me, He laid down His life. Oh I believe in Christ.”

Gailcar.jpgI have raised my son to remember to “keep God first, above everyone and everything, including me, including you.”

I have been blessed with singleness for several years now. By His grace and His great love I have been set aside… whether it be for a future husband or for Him… I am His song.

“The Lord thy God in the midst of thee is mighty; he will save, he will rejoice over thee with joy; he will rest in his love, he will joy over thee with singing.” – Zephaniah 3:17 KJV 

In 2012, when my son was marrying his bride the Lord gave me this song to write.
Jesus, The Love of My Life written by Gail Brookshire

I love Him so cause He loves me. /Says He always has, and that we were meant to be.
I’m already a part of His family. /I love Him because He first loved me.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, the Love of my life /wants to save me from my daily strife.
He wants to give me His peace for all eternity. /The Love of my life loves me.

A wedding invitation was sent to our friends. /They’ll join us when the engagement ends.
They’ll witness the union of a groom and His bride,/ and faithfully He’ll stay by my side.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, the Love of my life /wants to save me from my daily strife.
He wants to give me His peace for all eternity. /The Love of my life loves me.

He’s so open hearted, He’s opened His home /and invited my friends to a room of their own.
They’re already a part of our family, /and we’re living ever happily.

Chorus: Jesus, Jesus, the Love of my life /wants to save me from my daily strife.
He wants to give me His peace for all eternity. /The Love of my life loves me.

Jesus, Jesus, the Love of YOUR life /wants to save YOU from YOUR daily strife. He wants to give YOU His peace for all eternity. /The Love of YOUR life loves YOU.

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Photos are private and posted with permission from Sue Thompson of Set Photography, Leslie Ludy and Gail herself. Do not copy without permission. 

The Patient Pursuit – Guest post by Michaela

Michaela from Michaela Lorren – Life Photography Jesus wrote this amazing post for Song of Virginity. It’s the testimony of how the Lord can and will give us the best of the best, when we choose to honor Him. It’s a tad bit longer than the posts on this blog usually are, but I thought it’s worth it for this one! Such an encouragement to read – thank you Michaela!

  • And when you’re done reading here, jump over to Michaela’s blog. It’s fascinating!

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17. Hadn’t lost my virginity. Hadn’t kissed a boy. Hadn’t even had a boyfriend. That was me. In this day and age, that’s kinda crazy, ya know?

I had decided as a very young girl that I wanted to remain pure until marriage. I wanted to be able to give my entire self to the one God would bring to me. I didn’t want to tell my husband about all the guys I had been with (and all the things I had done with them…), and for me, hiding that wouldn’t be an option.

My first kiss? That was for my wedding day too. I didn’t want that to just be another kiss, I wanted it to be special. For him. Symbolism that I was giving myself to him, and him alone. That I was his bride.

“How the heck are you going to get married if you aren’t dating?” “How will you know what you want if you don’t try different guys?” “How is your marriage going to be successful if you don’t have some sort of experience?” These questions were ones I heard oh so very often. My choices were always discouraged and looked down upon. Confused and doubtful, they’d shake their heads, positive this gal would never get herself a fella with the way she was thinking. They didn’t understand. They didn’t like it and that was fine. It wasn’t their approval I was seeking. I knew that the God I serve calls us to live a pure and holy life. This was something between He and I. My love life, my future husband, was in His hands. What better person to find my other half than my creator? The One who knows me inside and out. The One who knows exactly what kind of man I need.

The Lord does supply all that we need, and He is so faithful to bless us when our lives honor him, when we seek to live a life for him and his glory.

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I promise, I wasn’t completely psycho. Like any other female, I was excited about love. I wanted a relationship. There were times where I was so excited about the future, that impatience would creep in. Times where I would have to shift my focus back on the most important relationship of all, the one I had with The Lord.

It was a meeting about my upcoming homeschool graduation ceremony when I met my future husband. The Lord told me that this particular young man, Chance (another one of the graduates), was to be someone very significant in my life. That I was to pray for him. And as a lil “weirded out” as I was by being told this about a total stranger, I had so much peace. 

We had the opportunity to talk only a little bit on the actual graduation day and it would be several months until I saw him again. But in the meantime, God was constantly leading me to pray for this guy! It felt so weird, to be praying for someone I didn’t know at all, hadn’t seen in months, and wasn’t sure if I ever would again. But I did.

I’m a music teacher. And his mom, “Mrs. A”, had decided to start her daughter (his sister) in piano lessons. I had arranged for her and her daughter to meet me at Krispy Kreme Donuts, where I could get to know his sis before the first lesson and I could treat them to something yummy in the meantime! Right as I was about to leave for our lil donut meeting, I get a text from Mrs. A saying that she is’t feeling well so “Chance will bring Katelynn (his sis)!”.

What. What. What. What. What?! I must admit, and as you may have already guessed… I was extremely excited. I was a little nervous by the time I got there, but we ended up talking and laughing till our stomachs were sore for three hours! It was crazy. The three of us had an absolute blast. And that was just the beginning of many, many times I would see God continue to bring us together.78b6fb2e44e4175f681e96758419f49e.jpg
Unfortunately, not long after our fun at the donut shop, my family and I moved to an entirely new state, and good gracious was I sad about leaving. My hopes and plans seemed to be squished and messed up. But nothing gets in the way of God’s plans. When He has a plan, He makes a way, gets it done, sees it through, and you’re left to marvel at his extraordinary abilities. (Especially his matchmaking ones!) I was thrilled that Chance and I kept in touch, and our long distance friendship quickly became a long distance relationship.

So many things I could not have planned out myself occurred throughout it all. I literally cannot tell you our entire story in a single blog post. But I can tell you that watching God work, watching his faithfulness to little ‘ol me was…absolutely beautiful. The way he brought Chance and I together was more detailed, more romantic, more exciting and faith growing than anything I could have ever found for myself.

Image 5-6-17 at 10.45 PM.jpgTwo years later, I am three months into marriage. The man I prayed for, waited for, saved myself for back then, is my dear husband today. And our story doesn’t end there! God’s still writing it. Chance and I are growing together and learning more and more with every passing day. And God’s faithfulness doesn’t end here either. We are watching daily as he shows us grace, mercy, love, devotion and forgiveness.

To those of you out there waiting on your sweetheart to come along, have patience and remember that He honors us when we honor Him. It really is so, so sweet to trust in Jesus. To watch Him pour so much love and care into all aspects of your life, not just your love life. So I encourage you to wait, don’t lose hope, keep up the faith, continue to trust God and his beautiful and perfect timing, and above everything…pursue Him before anyone else.