What if…

What if Mr. Tough Guy and I had more between us than skin. Maybe if Jesus had been a part of our lives. What if…

This post addresses the most intense love affair of my life. This part is very difficult for me to share and maybe I’ll even take a shot of whisky & cola!
Because somewhere in my heart, I still love him. 

37667cb6b315bab9b446074a85d7c9a2.jpgHe was 38. I was 20. I know – “ew – old man, young girl”… The only evidence of his age though was probably his grey hair, but…

He was simply oh! so! s-e-x-y!!

I’m not kidding. His biceps were – ahem – big. He was a paver by profession, lifting heavy stones and paving the most beautiful patterns pavements can have – especially in “royal countries” if that might spark your imagination…  His hands were rough and skin was suntanned, the tattoos were intriguing and his look was that of a biker. I name him Mr. Tough Guy for good reason.

 

After I had finally squirmed away from Mr. Temper, all I really wanted was to feel safe. Safe in the arms of someone who would not force himself on me or throw a temper tantrum. Mr. Tough Guy was safe, respectful and kind at heart.

When he was 18 he married this girl who had a very young baby boy (with a guy who packed it all up and left). He adopted the child and considered it his own flesh and blood. After some years they had two more sons followed by a divorce. So in essence I was the girlfriend to a weekend dad and younger than his oldest son. A little weird.

tumblr_nn8jtirTli1qjj2qyo2_400.gifI remember our first kiss. Very very romantic… definitely fit for a romantic movie. I also remember being carried from the kiss to the bed and… I definitely remember the intensity of… well, you get the picture! I can honestly say that I have never experienced anything so intense before or after. It was like a movie screen play!

Our bodies were evidence of the immense physical attraction between us. 

This continued for 2 years time and then he began to get more and more serious and even had thoughts of having a baby together. Wstork-flying.pnghen I was in my 20’s the word “baby” could send me into an anxiety attack in itself. I – did – not – want – kids!
Adding to that (after Mr. Temper and having to live with my parents for a while) I wasn’t crazy happy telling my parents about the relationship. I’m sure they suspected… but I also knew they wouldn’t approve.

1402589795244.jpegBut what really brought it down ws the fact that I wanted to go back to school and earn my degree in marketing. It required evening school and I was determined to make it happen. Mr. Tough Guy wasn’t too happy about that. He tried to understand, but once I begun and had homework during weekends, the support drizzled away and eventually I felt like I had to choose between him and a higher education.

It takes more than physical attraction to make a marriage work!

It hurt! The amount of tears I cried when I realized I had to break it up could fill an ocean. The amount of tears he cried when I ended it… It still hurts.Unhappy-couple-with-coffee-cup-sitting-at-table-in-kitchen.jpg

 

Somewhere hidden deep within my heart I still love Mr. Tough Guy. But after our breakup we didn’t see each other anymore and it’s been some 20 years now.

 

Perhaps it could have worked out… 

– Maybe if we had been on the same page and both known Jesus 
– Had we taken time out to actually talk & support each other
– Maybe, if there had been more between us than our naked skin.

Having said that – Even if Mr. Tough Guy and I had known Jesus and built up enough of a relationship to support a marriage… Us being virgins on our wedding night would have been a pure miracle from the Lord. Obviously we both had previous relationship/marriage so “impossible” comes to mind – but literally the physical attraction between us was simply far beyond our human control.

I know I’m supposed to say “with Jesus you can resist!” and I do actually firmly believe that, but neither of us knew Jesus, so we had the chance of a snowball in hell!…832ce60b2fa9b9d07e642cfe94606b99.jpg

Temptation from psychical attraction can be exactly THIS powerful and overwhelming – and if it happens to you and you give in to the romantic screen play, please don’t despair. There IS forgiveness and blessings in the future if Jesus is alive through His Holy Spirit in your heart.

I can’t give you a green nor a red light here! The choice is yours.

 

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17 thoughts on “What if…

  1. Pingback: New post|”What if..” – Wrestling with Faith – Dancing with Jesus

  2. thoughtcascadeblog

    Marriage is impossible WITH Jesus 😂😰 I cant imagine how much worse things can get. Salvation is impossible with out Jesus so it makes sense that it all requires a lot of God and a lot of forgiveness! Great read.

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  3. You took us there with you! I could feel the struggle and understand the conflict, the decision and the wistfulness. Since I’m 79 and married to the same man for 58 years. I think that says a lot for your skills as a writer! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow – thank you so much Eileen! That really means more to me than you can imagine. My secret dream is to write a book… (Guess it’s not a secret anymore) ☺️
      Lord bless you. 58 years of marriage is wonderful. I’m hoping for the same 🙏

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  4. Keeping any relationship together requires effort, if the union is consecrated it has the hand of God over it. it gets easier with prayer and asking God to help you. Of course, past relationships stay with us and can interfere. We need to ask God to forgive us and to release us of any feelings,thoughts actions from past relationships, forgive past hurts and feelings imposed unto us and remember the bible quote 2 Corinthians 6:14 “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?” God bless

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  5. You have a lovely and marvelous blog–I appreciate so much that you speak with deep honesty and no judgement or shaming. Most of us who came up through the “free love” generation have some tough history we’d like to white-out…and thank God for the Blood of the Lamb which does that, though it doesn’t provide amnesia or “restore virginity”. I cringe for the young girls who are collecting “friends with benefits” (sex), blind to the future costs.

    My story, in Reader’s Digest Condensed form: Tired of still being the “good girl” at 21 and seeing no evidence of reward, I rebelled with a guy who said he was a Christian–and then, in hopes of “fixing” the sin of premarital sex, I married this church-going guy because I was desperate to get out of my parents’ abusive home. My husband didn’t love me, did NOT propose to me–simply agreed to marry me–and there was nothing Christian about him, aside from weekly pew-sitting. I had jumped from the frying pan right into the fire of an abusive marriage–and got out the week before our 3rd anniversary, and obtained a divorce. No one from our church, nor either of our families ever asked me what happened (why I left), or offered me support/comfort.

    And unfortunately, once I was ‘used goods’, it was hard to argue my true Christian values (chastity) with future men–there were only 3, and none was a real relationship, but small numbers don’t diminish the degree of heartache and shame. A million times I’ve wished I could go back to that first time, and say “no”–I doubt we would have married; and maybe I’d have eventually met the good man God had planned.

    I’m 64 now, and have had a long solitary life–I had hoped to remarry “some day”, but my trust was completely shattered. I am very grateful God promises to be a husband to ‘widows’, as well as a Father to orphans–so I am not lonely, and quite content. But the bad memories never quite die, even though God’s grace took care of the guilty shame.

    I hope I haven’t rambled too much–if so, please edit freely or delete. I just wish I could spare other women the pain of such deep and personal regret. May God bless you most abundantly ❤ Delyn

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    1. Hi Delyn, Thanks so much for stopping by and sharing your story here. This is what Song of Virginity is really all about – as you can see/read, there are guest posts here and for good reason!
      Wouldn’t you like to write up a guest post? In the menu bar above you can find the “rules” of guest posts and if you want to share in a “real post”, please send me a line through the contact form. I appreciate all contributions to Song of Virginity, because it’s so important an issue and we have to get the true Word out to those in need of hearing God’s voice.
      ❤ Lene

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      1. I’ll give it some thought later, Lene–I have a crazy week coming up, but will try to get back to you. You’re so right, that it’s an important issue–and the true Word of God could save lots of heartbreak. Delyn ❤

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      2. I appreciate that. Would love to have you guest post, but it’s no rush – a week, two or a month; Take your time! Let’s give young ones a chance to think twice – eh?

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      3. Amen! I believe totally in God’s grace and mercy, and in Rom 8:28, that He works ALL things (even our worst mistakes, rebellion) together for our good–but young women (and young men) need to hear that there are consequences for our decisions/actions/words. There’s a much better harvest for obedience to God, than what we reap in careless disregard as we seek to serve our temporary needs. God bless you ❤

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  6. Pingback: Fist for fight – Song of Virginity

  7. Marriage is absolutely God’s business. Who’re the first couple? God’s son and daughter, of course. Marriage, therefore, is for only God’s children; and that’s the reason why Jesus must, as a matter of fact, be the biggest picture in every conjugal relationship. With Jesus’ involvement the Holy Spirit will show you the kind of person you’ll dating. And it’ll be up to you to take your heavenly Father’s advice or face the consequences. Another truth is that marriage between two people who’re not born again is just a mimicry of God’s institution. This is a good post. I pray it will open the eyes of intending couples. Thanks for liking my post, “JEHOVAH AND LUCIFER (Any Rapport?)”..

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Yes, all things are possible when Jesus brings a couple together. God is the glue that keeps our marriage together. We both love Him and seek to serve him and when you see a man who honors Jesus like my man does, it is very attractive .. even after over 40 years of marriage. He was the most attractive man on campus when I met him. He chose me. He is totally God’s gift to me. We serve a good, good God.

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