Respect has no grey zones

greys1.jpg50 shades of grey? No’b – strike that!…

After my crucial “first yes” to loosing my virginity – and “yes” to have the knowledge of my own body’s reaction to intimacy – and the loss of innocence, it took some time before I entered “round 2”.

 

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This time I wanted a relationship and that happened in a really weird way;

I went on a school bus trip to the city of Prague. It was an all night drive to get there, but a week of studying the history of Prague and in case you haven’t been: It’s a gorgeous city! But it was a bus full of teens and for us the real trip was to party in a country where, at that time, everything was incredibly cheap.o-PRAGUE-900.jpg

We had emptied the hotel bar one night (for alcohol, not people) and the morning after, my hotel roommate found a note to me passed under the door.
– Could have come straight out of a British Agatha Christy series… But didn’t.
The note simply read “I love you”.
I found out it was from Mr. Cute. He was cute mainly because he was romantic. He certainly wasn’t very bright, but that’s not the issue.

Did I love the guy back? Hmm… honestly? I think I tried very hard to convince myself that I did. After returning from Prague we met and “hooked up”. Looking back we had extremely little in common…
Was he attractive? I can’t remember if I thought so, but I do remember that we didn’t exactly have great sex, he was definitely on the melancholic side and we had a hard time keeping a conversation going! Red flags all over, but unfortunately naivety blinded my sight.

I frequently stayed at his place overnight (Why oh why did I do that?!?).
One early morning I was awakened by a weird feeling between my legs… The guy had actually penetrated me in my S-L-E-E-P!!!
Good heavens…
Once I realized what he was doing, I got out of bed very quick – and got real angry! Mr. cute suddenly wasn’t all that cute and I wanted to know why he did what he did. Guess what he said:

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XKaBkMx.jpgI couldn’t resist!!… Duh… I was sleeping and he couldn’t resist?!!

 

 

 

What could possibly move a guy to do that??
Okay, I’ll tell you: Lust and disrespect!
My anger and his useless excuse brought the relationship down.
… If indeed we ever actually had one.

When I broke up with him, he played the “I’ll kill myself if you leave me” card. This was the first relationship I actually had and him saying something as rough as that actually scared me.
If a partner plays you “the suicide card” – get the h* out of there! and fast.

I was still much too naive to see that love doesn’t happen between the legs. Though granted: it is certainly a nice spot… if you’re with a guy who respects you!

I learned my lesson and though I kept asking “why did he do that and what did  I ever do to him…?” it did me no good. trish3.gif

His respect is shown in his actions. Not his words (and it isn’t in his kiss either!).
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How do you know if a guy respects you? If he respects and accepts that you 1) stand on the love of Jesus, that you have 2) chosen to follow Him (the Lord, not the guy!) and 3) keep your virginity… and even better: If the guy has chosen to do the same!

 

There are no grey zones in respect. Your partner either does or doesn’t respect you. ca10b946bb86071aa9ccbcdcc6696432.jpg

 

 

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21 thoughts on “Respect has no grey zones

  1. Pingback: Respect has no grey zones – Wrestling with Faith – Dancing with Jesus

  2. Pingback: Love Doesn’t Happen Between The Legs | rebornicity

  3. this was a really good read, I especially love the way you ended it. The whole thing came full circle with you answering the question “how do you know if a guy respects you?” and your answer to that question couldn’t have been better! I respect this article hahahahaha!

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  4. This topic and your perspective are so needed right now for our young ones especially young woman. you do a wonderful job of describing how unglamorous the sexual experience can be and what the real reason behind waiting is

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  5. Pingback: Love Happens In The Heart | Awethentiq® Pete

  6. LeneinJapan,
    I am so incredibly sorry to read that you were raped by someone with whom you were trying to have a relationship. The only thing I would add to your story is to call a rapist; a rapist. I pray for continued healing for you in the name of Jesus. Your vulnerable story serves as the ultimate red flag for what can happen to young girls when they don’t understand a healthy, respectful godly relationship through Jesus Christ. I pray that sharing your story makes you stronger and more whole, and that God uses it to being you closer , help others, and to bring Him glory! The suicide card was a clear self-centered, narcissistic red flag also, and so dangerous. If anyone wants to learn more about narcissism, I’m writing more about it at “The Silver Lining.” We definitely want to understand narcissism BEFORE we get involved with people! Thanks for reading my blog, and thank you for sharing your stories. I’d like to recommend my article called “God’s Scriptures are Written in Black and White…not Gray.” With your permission, I can provide the link. It is filled with scripture, and is a long, but helpful companion to your blog post about why we must have God in our relationships in order to have respect. Depending on Jesus as our center, helps us to understand what sexual abuse is, so that it can be avoided in “romantic” relationships. I’m so glad you got out, and that God gave you discernment in not falling for the “suicide” card which involves self-pity, guilt, fear, anger, and selfish self-centered narcissism…NONE of which come from God! God bless you, precious sister in Christ!

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    1. Thank you… This happened many years ago and I’m leading a very different life today – with the Lord and a kind husband. But God wanted me to share the stories from my past and He will undoubtedly bring them to those who need to read. I just pray they will allow Jesus inside.
      It sounds like you have a lot to say… perhaps instead of sharing a link in the comment section, you would pray about doing a guest post here? Please click the “wish to write a guest post?” page in the menu and drop me a line if you want to consider that option.
      Thanks for stopping by Song of Virginity. I hope you’ll stick around. Lord Bless you.

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