"He brought me to his banquet hall and raised the banner of love over me. Restore my strength with raisins and refresh me with apples! I am weak from passion… His left hand is under my head and his right hand caresses me" – Song of Solomon 2:4-6
Vince from You, me and this world stopped by Song of Virginity to jot down a few words about a love given and received.
Life without love is really unbearable. I have been blessed to travel on every continent and to many countries, and one thing I’ve seen no matter what language, color or creed, everyone or at least almost everyone, wants to love and be loved. Therefore this is God.
While living as a single in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, I met Suva.
She was a wonderful young woman that I fell totally in love with. We spent most of our days glowing in the gift of love we found in each other and in God, and we found that this love was so bright that others saw it too. We were together for 8 months. When we went to file for a marriage license, I was asked to show my immigration papers and for a financial status. Since I was a missionary my papers were in order but I had very little money. I was given three days to leave the country.
My heart was breaking, Suva tried to get a visa and she too didn’t have enough money to get the papers she needed. I went to Bolivia and we wrote for five months. We never got back together. I thought that I would die.
Now many many years later I have a wonderful wife and wonderful life.
The love for Suva will always be in my heart as love never fails or leaves us. It’s eternal.
With a pair of parents who couldn’t understand why I discarded “a stable marriage with kids” for what they called “loneliness”, it was no easy task to lick my wounds. But now that I was out of my not-so-picture-perfect verbally abusive relationship, I chose my days carefully and opted not to visit my parents, if I could find a way not to.
One day at work, a sales-guy from London called, wanting to be put through to the big boss. That particular big boss refused to speak to salespeople and I was his bulldog. The guy was persistent but so was I and from that sprung a longer conversation… which continued into lunch break and private phone number exchange.
He called, I called… we talked for hours… and London-Copenhagen flights are 2 hours and cheap – well, ended up being cheaper than the phone bill! Before we knew it, he was flying in from London to meet me.
Good heavens, what was I doing…
I was having fun… that’s what!
We spent a nice weekend together and though I perhaps knew it wouldn’t last, I decided to breath in the moment. He rode a motorcycle and I have always had a hard time resisting that… Oh my!! Riding on that big thing, going fast through the english countryside – Now that was enthralling to me!
So for the sake of keeping up with my story-post-line, I’ll name him Mr. Bike! For a few months we flew back and forth every other weekend, but gradually the interest dropped…
After staying at his flat and seeing the bachelor side of him… ahem… I also learned that he wanted not just a wife, but a “mom” and when I realized his head was full of “how to become a millionaire in a heartbeat” ideas, I got very cold feet – in a sense.
One of those ideas included moving to Copenhagen, live with me and do online commodity trade… I immediately had flashbacks and pulled out… He did the exact same thing as Mr. Pride – came up with barrels of good points as to why it was a good idea. I disagreed!
Our final weekend together was rather awkward and it all came to an end in the tube of London. As the train rolled out towards Heathrow airport I breathed a sigh of relief.
It’s perhaps a nice story in a sense, but it could have been a horrible nightmare. Back then not many people thought of human trafficking, sex trade or the likes, but it existed! Between the photo he had sent me and the day we met, a couple of kilos measured in 10’s had grown on him. He was nice looking though, but let’s just say I anticipated something different. I’m not hung up on looks, but my point is:
Meeting perfect strangers is to meet a perfect stranger! Even after hours on a phone or email, words can deceive and pictures can lie – it all boils down to: Humans can lie!
In today’s world, doing what I did back then – could be incredibly dangerous. I had no lifelines: people who knew where I was, expecting a check up call from me and knew who I was with.
How did I become so reckless?
A huge gaping hole in my heart and a bleeding wound from an ex-boyfriend and unsupportive parents. That’s how.
Was it their fault?
No. I own my own mistakes.
Looking back on this short, rather intense affair of the heart, I realize that it served but one purpose:
So I could lick my wounds and recover after Mr. Pride. But I didn’t recover. Not really. I was simply trying to fill a wound with what looked soft and romantic but underneath was not much more than another sharp knife.
If only I had looked to the real place of love.
Where love is unconditional and freely flowing.
Where love never runs out and where a wound can truly be healed and filled up.
He touched her chin and lifted it towards his face while he gently leaned over and kissed her… And then she woke up from her daydream and realized that she was staring stupidly into the whiteboard during class,with romantic dreamy eyes. She looked rather franticly around her classmates, hoping nobody had seen her daydream.It would seem they hadn’t. Phew!
She was taking a supporting class to complete her degree.
The class was taught by the handsome, well spoken, nicely dressed, cool but kind and tempting beyond her loudest sigh, teacher!
A month or two of dreaming about him led to her asking questions about the material. Questions she possibly didn’t need to ask.
She tried to get closer and he didn’t exactly shut her out. He didn’t invite her in either. It was beginning to feel like she had befriended him and yet he kept her at a distance.
She obviously had a gigantic crush… on her teacher! He was so irresistible. She was panting for the “one and only” she watched in the movies, tv and even read about in romantic novels. But all her past boyfriends had miserably failed.
Her longing was strong and as she watched her teacher, being of the same age as her, she imagined his character in a home, his gentleness with kids, his pride in her as his girlfriend. Oh, to be loved by him!
Yet, she sorely wished she didn’t have the crush! Because he clearly wasn’t interested. Either because he wasn’t interested in her or because she was his student.
One evening after a rather uncomfortable bump-in with an ex-boyfriend, she took a walk to clear her head. It was winter, cold and dark. She saw her warm breath every time she exhaled. She found herself outside his home. Despite just wandering around she knew exactly where he lived and most likely it wasn’t a coincidence she was there. She could see light in his windows. She just stood still staring at his window, hoping she would catch a glimpse of him… hoping he would see her – see her pain – see her love and rush out to take her in and into his arms
But unlike her fantasy, that didn’t happen.
He saw her staring and though she didn’t know if he knew it was her or not, he closed the curtain and shut her out.
She walked home hearing only the lingering voice in her head “now you’ve done it! Now you’re a stalker!”. She was ashamed, but not enough. She began to take up evening walks as a hobby and ever so coincidentally walk past his home.
The academic year came to an end and unfortunately she ended up failing the class. Not because she didn’t know the stuff, but because she felt so ashamed to have been a stalker of her teacher. During the final test she simply couldn’t concentrate. Afterwards, she was so ashamed of her actions that she decided to avoid any contact with the teacher, no more evening walks past his home and she chose a different school and supporting class and a year later completed her degree.
The above is a true story, written by someone who wish to remain anonymous. Here on Song of Virginity, that is okay too.
We often apply characteristics of “perfection” to those we fall in love with as we try to fill the void in our hearts with someone who can never fully fill it or in this story, fill it with emptiness: To love but not be loved again.
When we choose to love Jesus something happens in our hearts.
We can ask Him anything! He can fill the void with love and in trust He will guide us to the one who is right for us.
Thank you Cultural Atheist for nominating me for this quote challenge. This is the last day of my 3 day challenge.
I do love a good quote… I hope my nominees will too. There are so many wonderful quotes out there and for this last day I have chosen to go a little deeper into the “love” scene. Number 3 on today’s list is a personal favorite of mine and one I – admittedly – use often!
Rules to be followed:
3 quotes each day (in my case, not necessarily consecutive days)
Up to 3 nominees to be nominated (no repetition!)
Thank the person who nominated you
Inform the nominees
My quotes for today are:
“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”
– Edward Everett Hale
“A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”
– Max Lucado
“Bathroom stalls make great prayer closets.”
– Lysa TerKeurst
I nominate the following people (check out their blogs – they’re amazing!):
It’s a privilege to introduce to you Song of Virginity’s next guest blogger, Daniel. Throughout the process of this guest post I have come to know Daniel a bit and his open and honest attempt to share his own shortcomings as well as his desire to protect the innocent, quite frankly overwhelms me. Daniel struggles with sexual sin and this is his urge to parents and young girls out there, to be careful when using the internet. You can support Daniel by prayers and encouragement on his blog Minus the Cynic.
When I was a young kid my parents freaked out when they saw I was looking at pictures of scantily clad supermodels on the internet.
They installed technology to only show sites with certain content, but got rid of it when I was unable to access an innocent site, because of the software’s programmed response to block sites based on key words.
You would have thought my parents shock, horror and disappointment would have prevented me from finding my way back to those supermodels, or the thought of grieving my God – But it wasn’t
When I was 12 the doctor noticed my penis was red and sore and asked if I had been involved in any sexual activity. I loudly and vehemently said no!
That was before I knew that masturbation qualifies as sexual activity…
I can’t explain what caused me to gravitate towards that kind of filth in the first place.
It used to be more of an effort to sin on the internet because I had to sneak downstairs to do it. Today, it’s easy. Too easy.
At first I was apalled and disgusted by infantilization.
Having a fully grown woman appear to be a little girl in the way she dressed, never appealed to me. But, seeing those images was an influence… I sunk low enough to see a little girl as a source of sexual excitement.
My downfall was gradual.
It happened over several re-negotiations inside my mind… What was I prepared to accept in my behavior?
It took a concerned mother threatening me with personal harm and police intervention to cause me to wake up to myself and see how I need Jesus in every moment!
I praise the Lord for that mom!
Obviously it’s dangerous for little girls to give their numbers and addresses to anyone online, but what many do not seem to know or acknowledge is how showing a video of yourself swimming or in the bathtub might cause a guy to commit a sin against God and the law of his land.
Before a parent allows their child to use the internet without their supervision, I would suggest they familiarize themselves with blocking technology, in order to avoid (prolonged) exposure to unwanted advances from an unsuitable contact for their age group.
I think the responsibility falls on parents to make sure their child is visiting age appropriate sites, especially as they run the risk of not only exposing themselves to danger but also their entire family and circle of friends.
Some parents falsely assume their children will only add people they know as friends in their social network and not perfect strangers.
This is the key to avoid causing harm to yourself.
If you are friends with someone outside the internet, generally you know you can trust them. But when you are not looking at the face of the person you are communicating with and you may not know them personally, it prevents you from doing that usual “double take” in your spirit and it stops your conscience from kicking in immediately, as the virtual nature of your interaction makes it appear to be one step removed from reality, as you use the same screen for playing games as you do for displaying your physical attributes.
Perhaps it is advisable for girls under eighteen to concentrate on posting pictures of anything other than themselves – as there are guys who go specifically looking for young girls in this age group to satisfy their perpetually unfulfilled sexual desires.
Even if a young girl feels flattered by the attention given to her, she may be unwittingly exposing herself to physical harm. Even the most well intentioned gentleman may still have friends and somehow be connected to those in low places.